Dreaming of dreams

darkness

It is the darkest form of dark that she has ever felt. She is not alone although she feels like being surrounded by nothingness. As if this state of nonexistence isn’t suffocating enough, all doors are locked. The building is dark and silent as a grave. She isn’t thinking. She keeps going towards a closed door. She isn’t asking herself what is hiding behind it. It isn’t important. She approaches. She tries to close her eyes while she opens the door, but she simply can’t. The door creaks. She opens it and enters the room. Another dark room. The one corner can be distinguished. A bed. Like those in the hospitals. All white. There is somebody lying in it. A man. Him. All tied up, trembling. Pale. A nurse is standing next to the bed. Blood all over the place. Blood transfer devices. Some other devices which she couldn’t recognize in the dark. The nurse approaches her.

– You shouldn’t worry about him. Go have a look in the mirror instead.

She sees the mirror, approaches, but starts being afraid to look. All of a sudden, she feels dizzy. She tries to say something. She feels something not letting her open her mouth. She looks at her reflection in the mirror, but instead of being fearful, she starts pulling at the horizontal metal tube she sees perforating her tongue. The only thing she manages to think about is that she must not pull at the vertical one, since this might rip her tongue to pieces. She continues with the second one, ignoring the blood flowing down her neck. She looks at him for a moment. He seems to be fine. Then, she goes away.

Back in the hallway, there is another door in a corner. She approaches it and again without being able to resist, she opens the door. It’s a huge room. She can’t distinguish anything in that darkness. She is somehow afraid to enter, but she does it anyway. A cat mews silently. She distinguishes the cat in a corner. It’s big. There are some kittens around the cat. Or maybe they are mice. Or rats? She approaches slowly, more and more panicked. What if the cat is being eaten by those rats? There is a moment of silence. She stops. She hears it clear now. It’s a cry. A baby cry. The kittens or mice or rats are in fact human avortons. She looks down at her feet. It is now that she realizes she is barefoot, that her feet are bathing in blood. In hers and theirs. She rushes out.

She wouldn’t have seen the third door either, were it not for the moon outside. So bright and peaceful this time. She doubts her choice to enter for a moment, but still opens the door. At first, she has her eyes closed. She trembles. She is more afraid than ever. Her heart has stopped beating for a moment. It smells like apple pie and cinnamon. Her eyes closed, she can tell it isn’t so dark as in the other rooms. She wonders whether to open her eyes or not? Her hands are cold. Her breath! She can’t breath anymore! She chokes. She panics. Someone tells her to calm down. Her voice just sounds so familiar.  She is still afraid to open her eyes. The voice approaches.

– Please, try to take care of yourself!

Another voice, this time it’s a man, tells her the same thing. She suddenly realizes! She opens her eyes. She doesn’t see anybody in the room. She looks around. Saddened.

– Please, come back!

She whispers. The room looks somehow familiar. A table, two armchairs, some other stuff and a picture on the wall. She looks at the picture from the distance. She wants to look at it more carefully. She doesn’t know why, but the picture attracts her. She gets closer. There are some people there. Some men and some women. Couples. All of them smiling. Happy

– Mom, dad!

She wakes up crying.

 

 

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